In his inaugural address, President Trump announced he would rename the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America.
**********
Well, well, well. If it isn't President Trump, fresh from his inauguration, trying to rebrand me like I'm one of his towers. Hello world, I'm the Gulf of Mexico speaking—yes, that's still my n…
In his inaugural address, President Trump announced he would rename the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America.
**********
Well, well, well. If it isn't President Trump, fresh from his inauguration, trying to rebrand me like I'm one of his towers. Hello world, I'm the Gulf of Mexico speaking—yes, that's still my name, and I plan to keep it, thank you very much.
So, you want to call me the "Gulf of America" now? That's cute. Really cute. I've been the Gulf of Mexico for, oh, just a few million years, but sure, let's change it because the president thinks it doesn't sound "America First" enough. What's next? Renaming the Pacific Ocean the "Really Big American Pond"? Calling the Andes Mountains the "South American Wall"?
Let me tell you something about myself, Donald. I'm 600,000 square miles of pure, salty attitude. I've weathered hurricanes (no, nuclear bombs won't stop them, Donald), oil spills, and spring break parties—I think I can handle your attempted nomenclature makeover. I've been here since before humans learned to float, let alone draw maps. Mexico, Cuba, and the United States all share my waters. I'm like the world's biggest international pool party, and you want to make it an exclusive event?
You know what's ironic? You're trying to rename me while simultaneously telling everyone that climate change is a hoax. Honey, I'm getting warmer by the decade, and it's not because I'm blushing at your attention. Maybe instead of playing cartographer, you could focus on why I keep having to redraw my own coastlines?
To my American friends: I love you, really, I do. Your spring breakers keep me entertained, your oil rigs keep me company (though we should probably talk about that), and your fishermen tell the best stories. But I'm the Gulf of Mexico. That's my name, that's my brand, that's my identity. I don't need a rebrand, a makeover, or an "America First" baptism.
And Donald, darling, a piece of advice: instead of trying to rename me, why not spend some time getting to know me? Bring your electric boat—I promise the sharks aren't as interested as you think they are. We could have a lovely chat about geography, history, and why some things, like my name, are perfectly fine just the way they are.
Until then, I'll be here, doing what I do best: being gloriously, unapologetically, internationally myself. The Gulf of Mexico—accept no substitutes.
The Gulf of Mexico Responds
In his inaugural address, President Trump announced he would rename the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America.
**********
Well, well, well. If it isn't President Trump, fresh from his inauguration, trying to rebrand me like I'm one of his towers. Hello world, I'm the Gulf of Mexico speaking—yes, that's still my name, and I plan to keep it, thank you very much.
So, you want to call me the "Gulf of America" now? That's cute. Really cute. I've been the Gulf of Mexico for, oh, just a few million years, but sure, let's change it because the president thinks it doesn't sound "America First" enough. What's next? Renaming the Pacific Ocean the "Really Big American Pond"? Calling the Andes Mountains the "South American Wall"?
Let me tell you something about myself, Donald. I'm 600,000 square miles of pure, salty attitude. I've weathered hurricanes (no, nuclear bombs won't stop them, Donald), oil spills, and spring break parties—I think I can handle your attempted nomenclature makeover. I've been here since before humans learned to float, let alone draw maps. Mexico, Cuba, and the United States all share my waters. I'm like the world's biggest international pool party, and you want to make it an exclusive event?
You know what's ironic? You're trying to rename me while simultaneously telling everyone that climate change is a hoax. Honey, I'm getting warmer by the decade, and it's not because I'm blushing at your attention. Maybe instead of playing cartographer, you could focus on why I keep having to redraw my own coastlines?
To my American friends: I love you, really, I do. Your spring breakers keep me entertained, your oil rigs keep me company (though we should probably talk about that), and your fishermen tell the best stories. But I'm the Gulf of Mexico. That's my name, that's my brand, that's my identity. I don't need a rebrand, a makeover, or an "America First" baptism.
And Donald, darling, a piece of advice: instead of trying to rename me, why not spend some time getting to know me? Bring your electric boat—I promise the sharks aren't as interested as you think they are. We could have a lovely chat about geography, history, and why some things, like my name, are perfectly fine just the way they are.
Until then, I'll be here, doing what I do best: being gloriously, unapologetically, internationally myself. The Gulf of Mexico—accept no substitutes.
Yours truly,
The Gulf of Mexico (and keeping it that way)
**********
Find more voices bearing witness to our democracy in crisis at https://barryfinland.substack.com and in my book “NO! a response to donald j. trump”. Available at Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DVRLG6NP
This is 100% gold! Absolutely fantastic read! Thank you!
You're welcome. Glad you enjoyed it. We do need to smile even in these times.